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Saturday, February 27, 2010

The Chalkboard Gig

Wanted to share some pics. Tonight was a good night.

I was nervous. Very nervous. I was lucky enough to be offered a 5 min spot at the Brisbane Comedy Festival Chalkboard show - the 'best of' show of the acts at the Festival and the Brisbane comedy scene - like the Festival Club in Melbourne, except only $10, not as late and without the resident DJ pumping tunes till 3AM. There is also no 'silent disco'. But I didn't know until today that I'd be sharing the same bill as bigtimers Adam Hills and Hannah Gadsby, plus wickedly acerbically physically comedically destined-to-be-a-bigtimer superdude Nick Grimwood.




Did I mention I was nervous? Oh. Well, I was.

Objectively, I think I did okay. Not the best I've done and not shithouse - it was okay. I mean, who am I kidding? There are 150+ people here to see Adam and Hannah - not me. As far as they're concerned, this nobody is eating up Adam's stage time. I saw disapproving looks. So I think I did okay for a guy who was following Adam Hills. Great crowd though. Festival crowds are quite cool. Adam, Hannah and Nick all, naturally, killed.

Even if I felt it was a so-so performance, it was a night where I got recognized by people. This does not happen. Ever. But it did tonight. And the funny thing was, I wasn't recognized for tonight's performance. First, the Powerhouse security guard remembered me from Livewired a few weeks back. Then afterwards, I was recognized in Hungry Jacks in the city by an acquaintance with mutual friends who tried out comedy some time ago.

Finally, walking to the bus with squished Whopper minus pickle and onion in hand, I got recognized by a group of really friendly uni students waiting for a bus. They knew I was the 'Anne Hathaway' guy and said well done. They seemed genuine. I said thank you and asked if they'd just seen the Powerhouse show and, no, it turns out they were part of the big QUT O-Week contingent which descended upon Newmarket a few weeks back for the open mic night. That was a very good night for a lot of the acts - I had a lot of fun both watching and performing that night. They ended up catching the same bus as me and we chatted for about 10 minutes till they got off at Kelvin Grove. I felt incredibly flattered. I got called a 'comedian'. It felt weird.

So it was a good night. I go to sleep with hope. Even if I felt it was an average gig for me personally, it was immediately followed by a reminder that I am doing stuff people like and remember. And that's encouraging.

Plus, when the hell am I ever going to be on a bill with Adam Hills again? Seriously. It was the closest I'd been to a Gold Logie nominee since that night I hooked up with Denise Drysdale. (Denise, please stop calling.)


(me with company I'm too stoked to be in, even if only for an hour)

Also, Kitty Flanagan was hanging around backstage for a bit, but I didn't get to talk to her. She has lovely eyes though.


--

Please get out and support the Brisbane Comedy Festival - http://www.briscomfest.com/ - especially the shows by locals Greg, Mel and Harley. If the few local acts are left overlooked in the light of the big ticket acts like Adam, Wil, Kitty, etc. then the Festival won't be able spread its net wider in the community and take chances on lesser known but talented acts.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

When He Was Young, Jimmy Had A Crush

When I was young, I met a girl. I decided I liked her and decided to let her know it.

The crush didn’t end well.

The letter I wrote to her will hopefully explain why.



Dear Kate,

Hi.

I just wanted to write you this letter and again tell you how sorry I was sending you to the sick bay. It was seriously not my plan to throw the teeball bat that hard but I get excited. I am not the sporty type and when I finally hit a big one and got to first base, I got too excited.

How gross is that bottle of Dettol that’s in there? I think it’s been there since we were in grade one. Haha. I hope they didn’t use it on your eye. It looks like wee.

Can you believe Miss McMaster? She is such a butt. She sent me to the principal’s office. She is sometimes nice but she owns way too many Phantom comics for one lady to own. The Phantom is cool, but she has too many. Did you know she lives across the street from Aaron and Aaron says she lives at home with her mum? They have a Jesus cross on their door.

One time I accidentally kicked a boy in the nuts while playing basketball then ran away. He was tall and I didn’t know what to do. It’s a good thing you don’t have nuts. Hahahaha.

Writing is hard.

Also, I am sorry for what happened at the pool for swimming classes. I do not know how to dive properly yet and just seem to step off the blocks with my arms stretched out. I get nervous around pools and you. Hope your head is okay.

I also wanted to say sorry that I gave you a poor mark on the math test. Yes, me. I got to mark them, because Miss MacMaster saw how good I was, getting full marks. I got to go into her desk and get a red pen and everything. She has more Phantom comics in there. You are not very good at multiplying but you will get better.

Your freckles are really cute. I have a freckles too but not as many as you. Mum says it is because we have sensitive skin because our families are from england. I love you.

Ow, my hand is tired.

I seen at the Plains Video down the road that there is a sequel to American Tail coming soon where the mice become cowboys. That’s so awesome, isn’t it? There will never be a better movie than the one with cowboy mice.

It does not come out for two weeks but when it does I thought you might like to come over to my house and watch it. We now have two video tape players so if you want my dad can make you a copy. Or we can play my new NES with the zapper POW! If you want, I got this new AFL football. It’s not official AFL but it’s a red football but you are a girl and may not like football. You like Peter Andre more? Maybe we could get a Slurpee and listen to Peter Andre. I dunno. The Zapper would be cooler.

My phone number is 2693121. Seven numbers and you don't even have to multiply. Hahaha. Please call me if you want to and I hope you do.

See you at school. I am sorry and hope you get better at maths. Happy Valentines Day.

Grade 3 version of James

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Flight Of Fancy (MICF 2010)

Late. It's late. So late.

I have to write new stuff for The Complete First Season tomorrow morning - new project underway this weekend - but, given I finally have my compootah back from the compootah doctah, I wanted to properly browse the brand spankin' new Melbourne International Comedy Festival site. Finances are likely to prevent me from making a trip this year (boo) but I went through and shortlisted shows I'd be keen to see WERE I GOING.

As usual, I generally picked shows that wouldn't make their way north. However, the Brisbane Comedy Festival has expanded and included a whole batch of acts from Melbourne or on their way to Melbourne. In this list, I also included a couple of Brisbanites who, although I've seen them up here, I want to see how they go down south and support 'em.

So, you know, this is a loose collection of shows I'd like to see in Melbourne if I could. No reasons needed other than vague curiosity and personal preference. You're free to disagree.
You see what I meant about finances being a problem? There's just too damned much on.

Feel free to make other recommendations in the comments.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Tables.

If there's one thing I can't stand in inanimate, bean filled objects, it's arrogance.

Case in point: the Stable Table.

My problem with the Stable Table is that it fulfils - in my opinion - neither of the expectations one has from the elements of its title. It is neither stable nor is it a table.

The arrogance to which I earlier referred is rooted in its proud, chest beating proclamation that it is stable. The corollary implication of this assertion is that all other tables are unstable - an implication which, I put forward, is not the case. In fact, I've found practically all other tables with their conventional "legs" to be vastly more stable and appropriate for dining or writing or building model Star Wars spaceships in bottles. There was a table once which was unstable but that was due to the tree from which it was built absorbing spilled alcohol during its sapling period.

Also, it is not a table. It's a tray. It has no legs which one would find on any conventional 'table'. Apart from the flat surface (which isn't all that flat and is in fact bordered by a painfully annoying trough of sorts), the Stable Table bears no resemblance to a table WHATSOEVER.

Where does this "stable table" get off - WHO THE HELL DOES IT THINK IT IS - to proclaim itself to be the be all and end all in balanced and unreactive dining surfaces when objectively it is classified as neither?

"Stable Table"? Hmph. I call it "Egotistical Tray With Little Respect For Other Furniture Which Rests Upon Not Only A Bag Of Beans But LIES"

--

It should be noted that the author's entire family was killed in a highway collision with a truck carrying Stable Tables to retailers. Ed.

... that was the name of the truck driver. Ed.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Let The Communal Tantric Orgasm Begin

If I could have your attention for a moment.

LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST

Thank you.