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Thursday, January 28, 2010

Lost: Real Time

Meanwhile, THIS is amazing editing.

Don't watch if you haven't seen the first three seasons of Lost. It's spoilery, but very cool.


Dates. Six Of Them.



I'm gonna get back into doing comedy. I've taken an extended break, not doing any spots/gigs since December 5th. If I may get personal here (and I will, it's my damn blog), I had a bit of a self-loathing and paranoid episode where I didn't have ideas or jokes and didn't think I was funny at all or I thought that people disliked me intensely, especially comedians, blah rah yada, but I came through that. On advice from other comics, I've been writing more - jokes and bits, more than songs, but the songs will come back into it when I find the right thing to sing about.

So, yeah, I'm getting back to it. And I have six spots lined up.
  • Feb 2nd - Opium Den Comedy Club - I've pimped this a few times and will continue to do so. It's a new room at Inspire Gallery, West End, a good night of local noobs and pros with improv joke battles. It's getting a good rep now with a lot of local familiar faces popping in. Here's the event page and the Fan page.

  • Feb 10th - my Raw Comedy Heat at the Sit Down Comedy Club. I'm nervous about this one. It's going to be a tough heat. Damn. Details? Why SOITainly. Here.

  • Feb 12th - The Comedy Zone (St. Paul's Tavern) - fun little Friday gig with the acts you'd see at the Sit Down. LINKCOMINATCHA.

  • Feb 14th - Livewired @ The Powerhouse - always nice. Big stage. Big crowd. Laidback Sunday New Farm.

  • Feb 15th - Newmarket Hotel Open Mic

  • Feb 21st - Kitty O'Shea's Open Mic
Also, expect new things from The Complete First Season in the next month or so (like a new website if I can stop cocking it up for a day or two). We're going to try something different and something regular. And I'll tell you about it when it's closer to being done. :)

--

Oh, and a follow up on the last post. Yeah, that one.

Since that little outpouring a couple of weeks ago, things went back to normal. That night, I watched Up several times and drank and that cheered me up a bit, but it was arguably as effective as Panadol is at curing cancer.

My usual cathartic means of removing displeasure and feelings of rejection is to watch High Fidelity. Misery loves company and all but it comes out good at the end, with a sense of hope. This time, though, I went with Up. It was a big ol' helium filled shot of happy that helped a bit, but it's not going to replace the quotable misery sponge feelgood pop-music laced romantic comedy brilliance that is High Fidelity.

Thanks to all the nice comments here and on Facebook to let me know that people know exactly, to appropriate Shannon Noll's debut album title, what I'm talkin' bout.



Cheers, Nollsy.


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Two Cents

Dear World At Large,

Don't assume you know anybody. When you do, you hurt people who don't deserve it.

I'll explain.

Today, someone gave me his two cents worth. Literally. It wasn't asked for, and it wasn't even correct.

A man in a Queensland State of Origin Maroons polo shirt came to the desk with an envelope loaded with $100 notes. He asked to make a payment on his credit card. I said certainly and asked him for either his card or his statement from which I could take the account. He produced the latter. I took him to the register and proceeded to make the payment.

The amount owing on his account was exactly $3,618.18.

I remember this exact amount because of what happened next.

Following standard procedure with large cash payments, I had another employee double check the amount with me. He produced thirty-seven $100 notes. I asked him if he wanted to pay "this amount" while pointing at the emboldened numerical print of his account statement of $3,618.18. He confirmed 'yes'. I entered '$3,618.18' into the register, then entered $3,700.00 + CASH as the tender. The register opened, I inserted the tender and retrieved $81.80 in cash change which I handed over. I stapled his receipt to his statement and returned it to him.

He stood there for a moment checking the receipt. I asked was there anything else he needed? He didn't respond for several moments.

Finally he asked... "Why didn't you round it up?"

'I beg your pardon?'

'You didn't round it up to twenty.'

'... sorry?'

He then proceeded to argue with me that I should have rounded up the amount he was paying to $3,618.20 instead of the $3,618.18 printed on his statement which he had visually confirmed for me moments ago that which was the amount he wished to pay off.

I assured him it made no difference - his account was paid off, to the final cent. But he insisted I hadn't done my job right and I hadn't followed common sense. I replied and said that that's how it's done.

He replied - and this is the bit that sticks with me - 'No, it's not how it's done. It's common sense to round it up. But you don't have common sense, do you. That's why you're working at Coles.'

I walked away. He said nothing. I said nothing. After he left, I asked my manager to be excused for a few minutes.

I've never been more insulted in my life by this absolute arsehole.

Who did he think he was and how did he find time in his busy schedule performing brain surgery for tumour-ridden friends of the Sultan of Brunei to come down to Kmart on a Wednesday afternoon and insult some poor schmuck over nothing?

To make an assumption that I'm some kind of fuckwit, even when I articulately explained what had happened? Even though I had asked for his confirmation on the amount to the cent and he gave it?

Who the fuck do you people think you are to go out of your way to personally insult someone doing their job correctly, just because they have more money than them?

Who the FUCK did he think he was to verbalize his insulting thoughts and prejudices and to deeply hurt someone over two cents?

You don't know a goddamn thing about me. You've known me for a matter of seconds. For all you know, I'm not even wearing my real name badge.

I often don't let incidents at work with moron customers get to me but today really struck a nerve. This was the first time (that I can recall at least) where a customer made a assumptive judgment about me and my abilities, based on my job, and said it to my face.

If it were any other point in my life where I wasn't emotionally sensitive about the state of my employment and financial situation, it wouldn't have affected me as much. But the maroon wearing fuckbag hit a nerve over something that he didn't need to or have a right to, considering I did my job as usual.

Prior to this, this was the most insulting thing that had happened to me at work: I had a woman flip at me and demand to see my manager because I calmly refused to give her a refund on an item three months old that she changed her mind on. This was despite the policy clearly saying she wasn't entitled to one after that long. She spoke down to me like I didn't matter, like I didn't know what I was talking about. It's only my job, after all. After a back and forth, I told her "I'll give you your refund, but I really don't appreciate you talking to me like that." She responded with "Well, I don't appreciate my mother being in hospital." I said "I'm sorry to hear that, that's unfortunate, but that still gives you no right to speak to anybody like that." She apologized, and got her refund and left.

Prior to that, the most insulting thing that happened was when a woman came specifically to my checkout to ask me my opinion on floppy disks (remember those) because I "looked like someone who knew a lot about computers". I suppressed the offence and put it through. But I faked scanning her Fly Buys card. So, you know... snap, bitch.

But all of these are linked to the same point, World At Large: don't assume you know a person because of their job. Especially if it's someone in retail. Since when in the history world has anybody known everything about anyone?

Don't insult the little guys, World At Large. They're just in transit. The people working retail now are on their way to bigger and better things. Like brain surgery for the Sultan of Brunei's friends.

Thanks for listening and letting me have my two cents worth.

Although, it is only two cents.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Facebook Blues

Happy damn ass new year everyone!

As per usual, it's been a while between drinks, and by 'drinks' I mean, 'bloggy Mary's' and 'YouTubeUploadmapolitans'. I could use the excuse that I've been busy (and I have been) but I'm ultimately in a bit of an idea wasteland at the moment. And if I do have ideas, I tweet them. December and January are always flat out for me because of my job and Christmas, so I have been quite exhausted. I've only been posting an average of one video a month to YouTube, and they haven't been that flash hot or remarkable.

Today is no exception, as I'm really revisiting the past. And fixing it.

I finally got around to remaking and reposting my Facebook song from 2007. As you may recall, in November, my original video was pulled for supposed copyright violation and, regardless of what my honest understanding of parodies and copyright law was, my complaints and pleas went generally unheard (although the relevant claimants did post an informative yet sarcastic-inverted-comma-laced reply on my angry angry blog post).

The new song is similar - in the same style - but different enough I feel, and I actually like it more than the original.

Here is the link to YouTube.



It uses the same lyrics and images, but with a different (albeit 'Dylan-esque') song. The new song has a different chord progression throughout, in a different key throughout, with a different melody throughout and a different arrangement - I recorded all elements of the backing track myself (guitars, drums and vocals). So, it's technically a different song. Just in a similar style.

Also, the title of the song has changed to omit the original artist who it is parodying - the copyright claimants asserted that including that artist's name was misleading! If you honestly thought he would do a whole song about features of Facebook, you are an idiot and don' t deserve to be his fan.

If you had favourited the video, I apologize for the whole mixup and hope you like this song

If I take anything out of all of this, it's that I should strive beyond parody songs. It's lazy comedy. Even Weird Al's albums are half-filled with originals.