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Thursday, February 4, 2010


If there's one thing I can't stand in inanimate, bean filled objects, it's arrogance.

Case in point: the Stable Table.

My problem with the Stable Table is that it fulfils - in my opinion - neither of the expectations one has from the elements of its title. It is neither stable nor is it a table.

The arrogance to which I earlier referred is rooted in its proud, chest beating proclamation that it is stable. The corollary implication of this assertion is that all other tables are unstable - an implication which, I put forward, is not the case. In fact, I've found practically all other tables with their conventional "legs" to be vastly more stable and appropriate for dining or writing or building model Star Wars spaceships in bottles. There was a table once which was unstable but that was due to the tree from which it was built absorbing spilled alcohol during its sapling period.

Also, it is not a table. It's a tray. It has no legs which one would find on any conventional 'table'. Apart from the flat surface (which isn't all that flat and is in fact bordered by a painfully annoying trough of sorts), the Stable Table bears no resemblance to a table WHATSOEVER.

Where does this "stable table" get off - WHO THE HELL DOES IT THINK IT IS - to proclaim itself to be the be all and end all in balanced and unreactive dining surfaces when objectively it is classified as neither?

"Stable Table"? Hmph. I call it "Egotistical Tray With Little Respect For Other Furniture Which Rests Upon Not Only A Bag Of Beans But LIES"


It should be noted that the author's entire family was killed in a highway collision with a truck carrying Stable Tables to retailers. Ed.

... that was the name of the truck driver. Ed.

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